


Bad... Kitty

by scandalsavage



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Breaking and Entering, Dildos, Humor, M/M, Sex Toys, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25197100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scandalsavage/pseuds/scandalsavage
Summary: DC Kink Meme PromptDick Grayson beating up a home invader with a dildoIts late and dark and when Dick wakes up hears someone in his apartment he grabs a a long hard cylindrical object he can find without quite realizing its not his nightstick...
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Tiger
Comments: 13
Kudos: 112





	Bad... Kitty

**Author's Note:**

> Short, sweet, and cracky as all hell.

No one else would have ever noticed, that’s how good the burglar is.

They’re just also unfortunate enough to have broken into the apartment of a Bat.

The intruder makes it all the way to Dick’s bedroom door before he notices.

They’re very good.

The door starts to creak open, no lights are on to flood the room so Dick does the best he can with only a moment’s notice.

He left his escrima on the dresser by the door so he fumbles for it briefly, grabbing the first thing his hand wraps around.

Then he attacks.

Rather than the loud crunch Dick is accustomed to hearing when his baton makes direct contact with a person’s face, he gets a deafening _SMACK_ of skin on something much softer than titanium.

It all happens so fast, he barely acknowledges the thought let alone dwells on it. The intruder is only momentarily stunned and Dick has to press his advantage.

So he hits the guy again and swings for a third.

This time the man (he knows it’s a man now) has recovered enough to block the attack. They exchange a series of blows, neither making contact until the thief trips over one of Dick’s small piles of dirty laundry and tumbles to his knees.

Dick gets in one hit over the head, just as the guy grunts and tries to say something. The man blocks his next strike and tries, again, to speak but Dick just dances gracefully to the other side and lands another thwap upside the guy’s cheek.

This time, since the intruder doesn’t seem to be trying to rise, the offness of the sound sinks into Dick’s brain, the parts not needed for imminent danger starting to come online.

“ _Ow_ ,” the stranger on the floor grumbles. It’s less a truly pained expression and more a surprised, what-the-hell, kind of objection. And Dick realizes he recognizes the voice. “What the hell are you hitting me with?”

Dick shakes his head and straightens out of his ready stance. “Tiger?”

He takes three steps to the lightswitch and bathes them in a soft, orange glow. Sure enough, there’s a man, roughly the same size as Dick, maybe a little broader in the shoulders, with three unique scars lined down the middle of his forehead, kneeling on his bedroom floor. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Tiger mutters something Dick doesn’t catch as the spy gets to his feet. Then, audibly, “I came to ask for your assistance in a—”

Tiger trails off, his hazel eyes dropping down to Dick’s hand.

“Grayson,” he all but _growls_. “Did you hit me in the face with your _sex toy_?”

Dick already scoffing, denial on the tip of his tongue, as he raises the hand still gripping his escrima. Only, it registers just before he sees the item that the shape presses against his palm is all wrong. It’s wider, for starters. And nowhere near as smooth as it should be.

It’s _bumpy_.

It’s _bulging_.

Dick stares at his giant, neon blue, _alien_ -looking dildo in abject horror, eyes so wide he can practically feel them bugging out of his head like a cartoon. Heat washes through the entirety of his body so fast he feels like he’s been doused in gasoline and set on fire.

“I…” He doesn’t even know what to say; where to even start.

“Please tell me you haven’t used it tonight, at least.”

_Oh, god._

Dick can feel the heavy weight of Tiger’s judging gaze. His mouth is drier than Death Valley in the summer.

“Grayson,” Tiger says, voice low and rumbly in that way that Dick hears sometimes when he’s… well, alone with his toys. “You at least cleaned it before you passed out.”

_Oh, god!_

He was going to. He really was. But between patrol and work, he was so tired. He showered. _Played_. Made it to the door of his bedroom before deciding that he’d take care of it in the morning, rather than walk all the way down the (short) hallway to the bathroom.

There’s no moisture to swallow, but Dick tries. It’s dry and scratchy and doesn’t help in the slightest.

He fixes Tiger with his most charming, apologetic smile.

“Um….”

There’s not really anything else to say. And, more importantly, he doesn’t want to _actually_ say it.

Tiger’s pretty hazel eyes narrow.

“Perhaps it’s a good thing I came,” the man purrs, stalking closer, looking every bit the big, predatory, cat he’s named for, until he’s crowding into Dick’s space and boxing him in against the wall. “You obviously need a lesson in properly caring for your things.”

“Oh, _god_ ,” Dick breaths. Then chokes on air as Tiger leans in and nips sharply at his ear. “ _Please._ ”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to attach a picture but in case it isn't clear, Dick's toy is a Bad Dragon (hence the title), Specifically, this one in a "Blue to dark blue fade", size large 😏 [Bad Dragon Elden Dildo](https://bad-dragon.com/products/elden)


End file.
